How To Raise A Secure Child From Infancy

By Bob Lancer

From the moment your child emerges from the womb, begin working on understanding her language. As you observe her closely, notice every physical movement and gesture; with an open mind and heart try to intuitively sense what he is expressing.  Does he want to shift his position? Does he want you to hold him? Does he want some space?  Before placing your child in any one else’s arms, be sure to read the physical way that your child either agrees or disagrees.

As you work on understanding your child, also work on cooperating with his will.  This practice needs to go on throughout your child’s life.  Cooperate with the child’s will to the extent that it is safe to do so and in line with the child’s development of responsible self-direction.  The sooner you begin, the more deeply and accurately will you understand your child, meaning that you will know how to relate with your child and respond to her behavior in line with her best interests and your parenting goals.  If a stern in-law or other person insists that you ignore what your infant is expressing to “show him who’s boss right away” and expect him to confirm totally to your will, let the unpleasant quality of your relationship with that person reveal to you how misguiding is this opinion.  To follow it would be to begin a pattern of conflicting with your child, instigating your child’s opposition or depressed resignation to having parents who just don’t understand.

Practice communicating with your child in the attempt of conveying your messages to him.  This may begin with the practice of “Shining Your Light”. You do this by spending at least 15 minutes a day gazing directly upon your child’s face as you express through your face your absolute adoration for him.  Imagine the love pouring from your face into his heart, nurturing his heart and teaching him to be loving.  This helps you to develop the attunement to your child’s heart that will enable you to relate with your child compassionately throughout his life. By expressing your love to your child in this overt manner, you actually do teach your child to express her love and to attune to your heart and the heart of others.

Every time that you respond consciously and sensitively to your child you help your child to feel secure. You also teach your child, by your example, to be sensitive and responsive.  Many mistakenly presume that if the child is too young to conceptualize and remember an experience, no learning from the experience goes on; but nothing could be further from the truth.  In the first six ears of life the child’s mind absorbs every influence of her surroundings and experiences at the deepest level, and those become embedded in the foundation of her developing personality.

Relate with your infant as your teacher.  He offers you a lesson of how to surrender to the natural process of your own life.  The infant fully entrusts himself to the natural process of life in the womb, and that trust continues until parents indoctrinate the child with the fearful belief that he must be in a state of hyper-control over the affairs of his life to be safe.  But that hyper-control itself is an unhealthy way of living; the stress makes it intrinsically unsafe.  Follow your child’s innocent wisdom by living with trust in his ability and glorious potential, and in life’s inherent goodness.  This is a healthy way of living that is intrinsically safe.